Alright guys..so Idk why I did this, I just had the idea & I figured it might help me through these tough times just to get everything out there. I'll be doing them probably once a week at the end of the week just as an update as to how I'm doing & how things are going with FAB. So this is week one of five, we'll see what happens(:
---& I don't know what I'd do without you; you're my rock, my bestfriend, & my brother(: --I owe you more than the world, JGP.<3 -That's all; Deucess!(:
I realized, you're only rude to HER like that. You only act immature on ONE subject. You're really an amazing person, & I'm blessed to have you as my friend(: Maybe others aren't so blessed, but I'm done trying to love for anyone besides myself. You're worth that(:
Tonight was amazing, we actually talked & you were supernicee(:
I'm starting to think you do care..((:
You have NOO idea how happy I am that we're cool again; I can smile!!(:
I needed to see you today, after that, I actually was HAPPY. Like, the real kind of happy(:
You know what really gives me hope that I won't get hurt again?! The two times we talked, HE came up to ME. I did NOT go up to him.
..maybeeeeeeeee, he missed talking to me, too. That's what gives me hope(: THATTTTTT makes me happy(((((: ♥
Things are back to normal, better, & I've never been happier; don't worry, I know my boundaries now. Nothing like this will ever happen again, I pray to god!!
So I'm good, recovered - I'm back(:
Time for bed; iloveyou♥
---Solo went GREAT tonight(:
--"Everybody now!" Was amazingly funny(: made my night..actually..something ELSE made my night..(; ♥
-This is my life, as Bonnie(:
I haaatee you. You piss me off EVERY DAY. You act immature, you're rude, & your sarcasm is a little overdrawn. But dealing with all that just to be around you is more than worth it. When I avoid you, or I'm mad at you & we dont talk, my day sucks & I don't smile at all. But when I talk to you, & bring myself to deal with what a pain in the butt you are, my days amazing. You got me right where you want me. - You don't really care if we're friends or not, it doesn't affect you if I don't talk to you, you're fine. Which means when I'm mad at you, I'm the only one suffering. - No matter how rude you are, I deal with you because its 200 times worse to deal without you. - I could never stay mad at you for long, because the only person I'm hurting is myself, & I can't bare go a day without talking to you.
So today was the worst day of my life. I'm never getting mad at you again.
---Sidenote; Saturday night I have a concert, & I'M PLAYING MY SOLO FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A PERFORMANCE((: We'll see how it goes!(: --Life as a teenage girl is so hard. Fml. -This is my life, as Bonniee.
So I was right..it wasnt a legit reason. I knew the real one from the start. & as you can see, the post saying how much I trusted you & needed you is gone. I won't make that mistake twice. Girls - your heart doesn't belong on your sleeve. Let me explain: If your heart isn't in your chest, you lose your bloodflow, & eventually you become numb. Especially if someone takes advantage of your vulnerability. (This isn't only for relationships, I learned this from a 'friendship.') Once you lie to me, I'm out. That's it for me. & you lied to me more times than I can count. "Friends turn into fakes; come real, or don't come at all." - MM. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to be so dependent..but I do this to myself, everytime. Guess I finally learned my lesson. But then again probably not. Ugh. Fml. Goodnight.
Forgot to tell you about my Monday!! I went shopping with KataB & bought some cute SpringBreakk clothes(: also, I bought some new shades, & we wore my purple & blue extensions!! Ahh, here are some pictures!!(:
So I walked in to the audition room, & me & the judge talked for a little bit. He asked me how long I've been in the Austin area, I said I just moved here this year. He asked me if I liked it, I said yes, very much. He told me he was glad to have me & asked where I came from, I said Stephenville. He didn't know where that was, so I told him it was kind of by Dallas. Then he told me I could play(: I sat down, my piano accompaniment was ready. I started the first movement strong, which was great! Then my fingers moved a little too fast on a few of the runs & I missed some notes. The ending was terrible. I missed the entire last measure & couldn't catch up with the piano until the last note. Ugh. Then I played the second movement. At this point, I already knew I had made a three. So I tried to save myself on the second one. I played it well, but I've played it better. A lot better. Same issue about fast fingers, one a few notes. Dynamics were good throughout the whole piece. I didn't miss the ending, which was good. On one note in the middle section, I missed the register key so it came out a low note. But other than that, I didn't completely BUTCHER that one. So now I'm done playing, feeling awful about my performance, but knowing I can't change it. He tells me that I have a good tone quality for my age, my concept of tone & dynamics are good for where I'm at. I'm a very good young clarinetist, but I could get better by listening & watching others. He told me the tempo was too slow on the second movement, which I knew. He said I had great preparation. & then he asked me how I thought I did. I said that I usually play it a whole lot better than that. & I told him how I was nervous, & everything I messed up on that I usually get. & he asked if I knew why I did those things, & I said because I was nervous? & he said no, because you didn't take in enough air! When a person is drowning, why do they drown?! Because they don't have enough air, so they panic. You panicked because you didn't have enough air for that long phrase. & I was just nodding my head the whole time. I had never thought of it that way before. & then he told me my dress was pretty, & that I could leave(: I was thinking, Ohkay, yo. I just made a three, when I could have easily made a one. But I just let it go & went to go eat some lunch. Then results came up. "TAYLOR PARKER - CLARINET SOLO - DIVISION I" I couldn't believe it. Hahah(: So I got a division one, AS A FRESHMAN, I lettered in band & will he getting my jacket soon, AS A FRESHMAN, & I'm third chair, behind two juniors, in front of 2 seniors, a freshman, a junior, & a sophomore, AS A FRESHMAN. I think my year is going pretty damn well(:
My country playlist of the day(:
I love me some Brad Paisley(:
-Must Be Doin' Something Right; Billy Currington.
-Good Mornin' Beautiful; Blake Shelton.
-I'm Gonna Miss Her; Brad Paisley.
-Letter To Me; Brad Paisley.
-Waitin' On A Woman; Brad Paisley.
-When I Get Where I'm Going; Brad Paisley.
-Whiskey Lullaby; Brad Paisley.
-Little Moments; Brad Paisley.
-Online; Brad Paisley.
-All My Friends Say; Luke Bryan.
-When It Rains; Eli Young Band.
-Do I; Luke Bryan.
I love me some country music(:
-Post tomorrow is expected - SOLO & ENSEMBLE TOMORROW(:
So today on Facebook, I saw this like:
----- 7 signs your falling in love* 7. You"ll read their txts over and over again 6. You"ll walk really really slow while youre with them 5. They becomes all you think about 4. You"ll get high just by their smell 3. You"ll realize that you"re always smiling, when you think about them 2. You"ll do anything for them 1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time ----- Well, this is for sure true(: There is a guy I love that fits every crevice of this description. No, we don't go out. No, I don't wish we did. Yes, I love him with all of my heart, & then some, but there's no romance there. I love being around him. I love him. All I want from HIM is to stay in my life. More than that, I wish he be happy above all else. So if he decided he didn't want to be in my life anymore, I'd be content with his decision, because it'd make him happy. & As long as he is happy, I know I'll be perfectly fine. (You know what else? I think our feelings are mutual..ALL of them. ((: ) Yeah, I saw him. Yeah, I walked to 6th period with him. Yeah, I talked to him 3rd period. Yeah, I smiled ALL of 5th period, which I have with him. Yeah, we wrote notes to eachother. That's all it takes to make my day incomparably amazing♥ So HELL yes, my day was perfect(: Thanks for being the best friend in the whole widee world, Jaydennn(; ♥ ---Thank you. For everything. For keeping me alive(: LoveeYouuuu(: --As for you, Mr. Blog, I'll talk to you tomorrow & let you know how Solo & Ensemble went!(: -This is my life - As Bonnie(:
Really? That's not a legit reason. All this happened over a month ago, & you're JUST NOW getting to tell me that reason?! If that was the REAL reason, you would have told me like, say, ohh, I don't know..A MONTH AGO?! At ONE POINT or another, you have not been real. Either: A) You have a totally different reason than ANYTHING you've been telling me, or you don't have one at all. If this WASN'T the case, you'd have told me a real, solid reason by now. B) You just won't talk because you know it makes her mad. If this wasn't the case, then there's no reason why you shouldn't be talking.. C) You DON'T really want this to work, which is what you've been telling me this whole time. If this wasn't the case, then again, you don't have a reason to NOT talk.
You need to tell me the truth RIGHT NOW, & get real with me. I'm not gonna sit here & take your artificial reasons. If you have a good one, I'll hear it. But otherwise, you need to fess up & tell me wtf is going on in your head. You know I'll always be here for you, but right now, you're making it awful hard. You need to tell me what's REALLY going on; no more lies, no more fakeness, just real words. ONLY THEN can I help you at all. If you're gonna tell me anything, it needs to be the truth. & You can tell me the same lines you've been saying, but I have reasons NOT to believe them. By the end of the day TOMORROW, I plan to know what's going on. I trust you with my life, with everything about me, but I need to know you feel the same. If you can't trust me with this simple stuff, I don't feel comfortable being so vulnerable to you if you're not the same. I don't understand you, boyy. Don't get me wrong, I love you, but I really need to figure this whole thing out FOR REAL this time. & I'm gonna need YOUR help with that. She wants this. Bad. & what you say & what you do don't add up to the same number. That's the problem.
--That's all, I guess. -This is my life - as Bonnie. ♥
- First, I felt mad, angry, upset. Proud of myself for letting you go, but at the same time, I hated you. Completely.
- Then, I felt empty. I missed your friendship, your companionship.
- Then, I considered swallowing my pride, (for no apparent reason except that it would be easier than going through all the pain) apologizing, & going back to the way things were.
- Next, I realized what I was saying. I knew you hated me, & I didn't really want anything to do with you.
- Then I decided to give you a shot. Maybe try a no-strings-attached type relationship. We'd talk when we were around eachother, but we wouldn't have out-of-school conversations or relations.
- Then I heard about what you've been doing. & I remembered why I broke it off with you in the first place.
So what did I get from this evaluation?
I know that I don't want anything to do with you. You're just another face in the hallway. If I bump into you, I'll apologize, but then I'll walk away. If you offer me a cookie, & I like the kind you offered me, I'll take it. But if you text me, I won't answer. If you add me back on facebook, I'll accept you, but I won't acknowledge you unless you say something TO ME. I know what I want, now - & I feel empowered. :)
Now - I keep rambling about knowing what I want, but I don't think I've actually SAID what I want yet.
I want to be able to be around you. I don't want it to be awkward. I want to be able to talk to you, & have a humane conversation. I don't want it to go any further. I want to not hate you (which I don't). I don't want to deal with your drama. I want you in my life, I couldn't avoid that if I wanted to. I don't want you to take it too far. Because if you do, I know what I'll have to do. So make it easy on us both - be yourself, make your own decisions. Let me do the same.
I feel amazing right now. It's about time I knew what I wanted. & now that I do, nothing's gonna stop me. I think I'm starting to get my happy back. :)
--Thank you Jacob :)
Now that I know what I need to do with this situation, I'm pretty sure I'll be just fine. It's been so long since I've felt this sure of anything. There's no way this is a mistake, & the feeling KNOWING that it ISN'T a mistake, is the best feeling ever. I've never felt that way before. & I'm pretty sure I owe ALL my happy moments to Jacob. :)
I'm a new person, reborn. :)
"& I dare ANYBODY try & cut my wings." :)
-"Got our friends, got the night; we'll be alright. :) - travieeMccoyy.
Headed to McKinney for my little man's birthday party(: he turns 5 today & he's the love of my life. It's about time I saw him(: Can't wait((:! Todays nothing new. Still lost, but I think I'll find myself at some point. I guess we'll see(: I know this world is deceiving, but I keep my head up like my nose is bleeding(: Kay, well I guess that's all(: Nothing's healthier than a positive attitude, right(:? Only one way to find out(:
OHHHHkay, so I know, it's been FOREVER since I've been on here. But I've had a lot going on, & I didn't really know how to put it out on here. It's SO MUCH DRAMA. So I just decided to keep it to myself & post when I thought of something, & this is perfect:) So here are some pictures that ( if you & I have the same personality type) make you laugh:) Here you goooo.
^^^SOO TRUE. Like, the truest thing I've ever read.
This thing really made my day:)
Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wifee, & hide yo' hu'ban'ss, 'cause they rapin' ERYBODY out here! Hahah!
This one was funnyy:)
Ahh, I LOLED SO HARDDD.
--Thanks for readinggg:)
"You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something." - Eminem.