Alright guys..so Idk why I did this, I just had the idea & I figured it might help me through these tough times just to get everything out there. I'll be doing them probably once a week at the end of the week just as an update as to how I'm doing & how things are going with FAB. So this is week one of five, we'll see what happens(:
---& I don't know what I'd do without you; you're my rock, my bestfriend, & my brother(: --I owe you more than the world, JGP.<3 -That's all; Deucess!(:
I realized, you're only rude to HER like that. You only act immature on ONE subject. You're really an amazing person, & I'm blessed to have you as my friend(: Maybe others aren't so blessed, but I'm done trying to love for anyone besides myself. You're worth that(:
Tonight was amazing, we actually talked & you were supernicee(:
I'm starting to think you do care..((:
You have NOO idea how happy I am that we're cool again; I can smile!!(:
I needed to see you today, after that, I actually was HAPPY. Like, the real kind of happy(:
You know what really gives me hope that I won't get hurt again?! The two times we talked, HE came up to ME. I did NOT go up to him.
..maybeeeeeeeee, he missed talking to me, too. That's what gives me hope(: THATTTTTT makes me happy(((((: ♥
Things are back to normal, better, & I've never been happier; don't worry, I know my boundaries now. Nothing like this will ever happen again, I pray to god!!
So I'm good, recovered - I'm back(:
Time for bed; iloveyou♥
---Solo went GREAT tonight(:
--"Everybody now!" Was amazingly funny(: made my night..actually..something ELSE made my night..(; ♥
-This is my life, as Bonnie(:
I haaatee you. You piss me off EVERY DAY. You act immature, you're rude, & your sarcasm is a little overdrawn. But dealing with all that just to be around you is more than worth it. When I avoid you, or I'm mad at you & we dont talk, my day sucks & I don't smile at all. But when I talk to you, & bring myself to deal with what a pain in the butt you are, my days amazing. You got me right where you want me. - You don't really care if we're friends or not, it doesn't affect you if I don't talk to you, you're fine. Which means when I'm mad at you, I'm the only one suffering. - No matter how rude you are, I deal with you because its 200 times worse to deal without you. - I could never stay mad at you for long, because the only person I'm hurting is myself, & I can't bare go a day without talking to you.
So today was the worst day of my life. I'm never getting mad at you again.
---Sidenote; Saturday night I have a concert, & I'M PLAYING MY SOLO FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A PERFORMANCE((: We'll see how it goes!(: --Life as a teenage girl is so hard. Fml. -This is my life, as Bonniee.
So I was right..it wasnt a legit reason. I knew the real one from the start. & as you can see, the post saying how much I trusted you & needed you is gone. I won't make that mistake twice. Girls - your heart doesn't belong on your sleeve. Let me explain: If your heart isn't in your chest, you lose your bloodflow, & eventually you become numb. Especially if someone takes advantage of your vulnerability. (This isn't only for relationships, I learned this from a 'friendship.') Once you lie to me, I'm out. That's it for me. & you lied to me more times than I can count. "Friends turn into fakes; come real, or don't come at all." - MM. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to be so dependent..but I do this to myself, everytime. Guess I finally learned my lesson. But then again probably not. Ugh. Fml. Goodnight.
Forgot to tell you about my Monday!! I went shopping with KataB & bought some cute SpringBreakk clothes(: also, I bought some new shades, & we wore my purple & blue extensions!! Ahh, here are some pictures!!(:
So I walked in to the audition room, & me & the judge talked for a little bit. He asked me how long I've been in the Austin area, I said I just moved here this year. He asked me if I liked it, I said yes, very much. He told me he was glad to have me & asked where I came from, I said Stephenville. He didn't know where that was, so I told him it was kind of by Dallas. Then he told me I could play(: I sat down, my piano accompaniment was ready. I started the first movement strong, which was great! Then my fingers moved a little too fast on a few of the runs & I missed some notes. The ending was terrible. I missed the entire last measure & couldn't catch up with the piano until the last note. Ugh. Then I played the second movement. At this point, I already knew I had made a three. So I tried to save myself on the second one. I played it well, but I've played it better. A lot better. Same issue about fast fingers, one a few notes. Dynamics were good throughout the whole piece. I didn't miss the ending, which was good. On one note in the middle section, I missed the register key so it came out a low note. But other than that, I didn't completely BUTCHER that one. So now I'm done playing, feeling awful about my performance, but knowing I can't change it. He tells me that I have a good tone quality for my age, my concept of tone & dynamics are good for where I'm at. I'm a very good young clarinetist, but I could get better by listening & watching others. He told me the tempo was too slow on the second movement, which I knew. He said I had great preparation. & then he asked me how I thought I did. I said that I usually play it a whole lot better than that. & I told him how I was nervous, & everything I messed up on that I usually get. & he asked if I knew why I did those things, & I said because I was nervous? & he said no, because you didn't take in enough air! When a person is drowning, why do they drown?! Because they don't have enough air, so they panic. You panicked because you didn't have enough air for that long phrase. & I was just nodding my head the whole time. I had never thought of it that way before. & then he told me my dress was pretty, & that I could leave(: I was thinking, Ohkay, yo. I just made a three, when I could have easily made a one. But I just let it go & went to go eat some lunch. Then results came up. "TAYLOR PARKER - CLARINET SOLO - DIVISION I" I couldn't believe it. Hahah(: So I got a division one, AS A FRESHMAN, I lettered in band & will he getting my jacket soon, AS A FRESHMAN, & I'm third chair, behind two juniors, in front of 2 seniors, a freshman, a junior, & a sophomore, AS A FRESHMAN. I think my year is going pretty damn well(: